


I Kissed A Boy (and they liked it)

by whoovestrings



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, M/M, Michael uses they pronouns, Nonbinary Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 13:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6241990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoovestrings/pseuds/whoovestrings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Absolutely based on the Cobra Starship song.</p><p>Michael has... Interesting ways of dealing with douchbags.</p><p>This does contain transphobia/homophobia so if you don't want to read that, there's a warning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Kissed A Boy (and they liked it)

The lads were on a bar crawl.

That is to say, Michael, Gavin, and Jeremy were on a bar crawl. Ray was there too, but he was mostly making sure the others got home safe. Michael was making that job really hard for him.

The eldest lad was wearing what had become pretty much common wear around the crew, a skirt. First Jack started, then Michael and Gavin, on the same day, then Ray. Eventually Geoff was dragged into it, and they somehow managed to talk Jeremy into it.

However, as common as it was in the crew, other people seemed less than accepting.

"Hey girl." Some guy said, sliding up next to Michael, "want me to buy you a drink?"

Michael turned to the guy with steel in their eyes, "Hey, buddy." They said, trying to stay cheerful, "Sorry, but I'm not a girl, if that's what you're looking for."

"If you're not a girl," the guy asked, "why the fuck are you wearing girls clothes?"

"Excuse you, _sir_ ," Michael drawled, as they had already had several beers that night, "but my clothes are not girls clothes, they are my clothes, and I am not girl."

"What are you then? Some kind of tran-" He was immediately cut off.

"Yes, if you must know, I am trans" Michael said, getting out of their seat, "but by the sound of it, you don't really approve of that, do you?" They turned to the other lads, who all had their eyes on what Michael was doing, "come on guys, let's go find somewhere else to drink."

They were about to turn and leave when a hand grabbed their shoulder "you're not going anywhere" the guy said, "guys like you are an insult to everyone."

"And why, may I ask, would that be?" Michael indignantly.

"Well you're making a mockery of men," the guy started. "You probably want people to think you're a girl, don't you? Just trying to trick people into becoming gay."

"Wait, you have a problem with gay people too now, do you?" Michael nearly shouted, and it took Ray's hand on their shoulder to calm them down.

"Yeah, They're disgusting faggots, all of them. All of you."

Michael was so close to breaking the guys nose, but they knew Jeremy liked this place, so they kept their cool. Instead, their eyes swept across the bar, trying to find someone they didn't know.

Their eyes settled on a tall guy a few seats over, he was pretty cute, and had a sandy blonde ponytail. He seemed to notice the eyes on him immediately, and turned to face Michael, quickly hiding a wallet that Michael was almost 100% sure wasn't his own.

They strode up to the guy with the all confidence and grace of someone who had recently had several beers. There was a look in their eye as they approached him that said, "I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do." And they pulled the guy up by the collar and roughly kissed him, they were about to turn away, when the guy leaned in to kiss them again. This was longer, and he had enough time to mumble "play along" before Michael figured out what he was doing. Out of the corner of their eye, they could see the guy fuming in rage.

Michael was really impressed by the guy's skills, and it took a few seconds to click that the guy might have been continuing to distract them, as it was really difficult to notice your wallet disappearing when someone has a tongue down your throat. They could actually feel the guy feeling around their skirt, there was no way he was getting anything though. Ray had been trusted with the wallets, so when any of them (Gavin) had drunk too much, he would be able to stop them from getting more.

"I don't have my wallet on me," Michael said, pulling away from the kiss "if that's what you're looking for."

The guy stuttered, and tried to make an excuse, but Michael shushed him.

"Look dude, I've done way worse stuff than this, trust me" they laughed, and the guy seemed to calm slightly. "Wait, what's your name? I didn't catch it when we were making out,"

"Ryan" the guy said, and raised his hand as if to go for a handshake, but since Michael was practically in his lap, he figured he didn't really need to.

"Well Ryan, I'm Michael, and it was good to get to know you. I would stay for more, but my friends over there probably want to leave pretty soon, you know, guys to beat up, the usual."

They gave Ryan one last, short kiss, before walking back over to the rest of the lads, who, as expected, were just itching to make sure that idiot wasn't without bruises for a long time.

\-----

The next day, they were all dragged into the meeting room at an ungodly hour in the morning, for "very important business" as Geoff said.

"I still think you did that just so you could make out with that guy," Gavin mumbled, as they waited for Geoff to show up.

Michael shrugged "can you really blame me though? The guy was gorgeous! I bet you didn't see but he had the most blue eyes I've ever seen in a person."

"I haven't seen a lot of guys able to pull off a ponytail" Gavin admitted, "but he was one of them."

Jeremy chuckled "he had proportions like Captain America too, from what I could see. He was probably really tall, too."

"I mean, everyone's tall to you lil' j" Ray pointed out, "but yeah, that guy would be at least 6 foot,"

"Can you guys stop giggling about pretty boys for five seconds" Jack said from across the table, "Geoff's about to come in, and he has a possible new crew member, act professional."

"Okay, mum," Gavin joked, but straightened up once he heard footsteps down the hall. Seconds later, Geoff walked in, with some other guy in tow. The guy was wearing a skull mask and a leather jacket, so everyone guessed that he was the new recruit.

"Found this guy trying to pickpocket people in the bars along east." Geoff explained, "turns out, this guy has quite the record. He's pretty quiet though. I could barely get words outta him. He said he's The Vagabond, won't give a full name."

"Wait, we went to bars along east." Gavin said. "Are you sure you didn't go there to check up on us?"

"No, no" Geoff said, "I trust Ray with you three, I didn't even know you were there."

"Hey Michael," Jeremy teased, "you think it's the same pickpocket you were making on last night?"

"No way man," Michael said, but didn't sound very sure of themself, "that guy looked terrified when I caught him trying to steal from me. I'm pretty sure at any one point there's half a dozen pickpockets on any given street in Achievement City."

"Think again, bro" Ray said, and pointed to the guys hair, which was sandy blonde, and sitting in a low ponytail, visible under his mask. By this point, Michael had leaned back in their chair, trying to distance themself from The Vagabond as much as possible. Geoff notice that pretty soon.

"Hey, what's going on?" He asked, "You scared of him? Don't worry, I was too."

Michael shook their head "Nuh, just think I recognise him from somewhere." They thought for a second "Hey boss, what bar did you find him in last night?"

"I think it was Turney's" Geoff thought, and was confused when the lads started chattering again.

"Hey, that was where we went a few steps after meeting pickpocket mc dreamy face," Gavin pointed out.

"Do you know where he went before that though?" Ray asked, with a smug look at Michael.

"I think he said he had been to... The Ruby's, The Juniper, and the "coffee house""

"Surprise, surprise." Jeremy laughed, "Our exact route."

Michael slammed their hands on the table, "okay, that's it." They said, "you, Vagabond. You're Ryan, aren't you?" A slow nod from the masked man confirmed their fears. "Great" they muttered "the guy I drunkenly make out with is the new crew member, fuck me."

"Wait, what happened last night?" Geoff and Jack were, by now, thoroughly perplexed.

"Funny story" Gavin started, whist Michael hid their head in their hands, "some guy was being a douchebag, so Michael decided that the best course of action was to snog the nearest guy they didn't know."

"I mean, credit to Michael," Ray said, "the guy left, and we could go beat him up afterwards, but still, it sounds better if you leave that out."

"And we think" Jeremy concluded "that "the nearest guy" is the one currently wearing a skull mask."

It took Geoff a few seconds to process the situation, but Jack had already started laughing, which did nothing to help Michael, who's face had visibly gone red.

"Well then, Geoff finally said, when it all clicked into place, "why don't we all just go show Ryan around the place, make him feel at home here."

They all got up to go, but Jack notice the look on Michael's face and stopped them.

"Hey," she said, "I'm sure Michael and Ryan have a few words to say to each other, so why don't we leave them be for a bit. Lads, you can go try and fix some of the mess around here, we want to make a good impression,"

"But Jack" Gavin whined, "we don't make _all_ the mess."

"Yeah, but you make enough of it," Jack returned, "so go."

When it was just Ryan and Michael, Ryan took off his mask to reveal that his face was as red as Michael's. There was a few seconds of silence before Michael started laughing.

"What a fucking coincidence," they said, "that the random guy I picked to kiss to piss someone off, happened to the newest member of the criminal gang I was part of."

"Aw," Ryan said, in mock disappointment, "I was random?'

"I guess," Michael said, "but let me tell you, everyone else who was there said that I just did it as an excuse to make out with you, which it wasn't, but if that opportunity hadn't arisen, I would most probably have found some other way to do so."

"So what you're saying is that you really wanted to kiss me?" Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow, and Michael had to break eye contact for a second because Jesus Christ, if this guy could just stop being hot for a few seconds.

"Yeah, and I'm also saying I don't regret it one bit" Michael said, "You're very good at kissing," they explained.

"You're not too shabby yourself," Ryan said.

"Yeah, but you've had _practice_ " Michael said. "I bet that's your pickpocket technique, seduce them with your good looks, and make out with them so they don't notice their wallet's missing."

"I could try it again, if that's what you're asking for with all this." Ryan said, and Michael shrugged.

"I don't have my wallet on me right now, but I can't say no when you offer it like that. First things first though, you were following us, weren't you?"

"Yes," Ryan admitted, "it was partly so I could watch you beat that guy up, and partly because I wanted to run into you again."

"Why? So you could find the one of us with our wallets?" Michael joked, "because Ray had them, and he is both completely sober, and aro/ace, so you really couldn't get anything out of him."

"Nah, I was more thinking that something like this would happen." Ryan grinned, and took Michael's collar, gently pulling them in for another kiss. Michael pushed him back into the chair he was sitting in, and sat down on his lap.

"Should we really be making out in the... Workplace" Ryan asked, after deeming that "office" was probably an inapt word to describe where they currently were.

"Oh, hell yeah," Michael said, "I'm pretty sure that's what they expected to happen when they left us in here anyway."

With that obstacle over, Ryan was almost too eager with how he kissed Michael. He had his arms wrapped around their waist, and felt a hand on the back of his neck. There was a warm breath of air on his lips and he wasted no time in allowing Michael access to his mouth, feeling their tongue slowly explore. They leant away, breath shallow, and left a trail of kisses down Ryan's neck, before gently nipping just above his collarbone.

Ryan was slightly surprised by that. "Oh, please don't leave a mark." He said.

"And why ever not?" Michael asked, "afraid the crew'll see it?" Ryan nodded. "That's kinda the point, buddy." There was a few seconds before Ryan shrugged and nodded, and Michael went back to Ryan's neck, making him hiss through his teeth. They would have probably gone on for much longer had not the door opened and Gavin walked in, froze, and promptly walked out again.

"What're they doing?" They could hear Ray ask, and Gavin's answer of garbled syllables obviously didn't give him any information at all, so Ray poked his head around the door, and laughed as he did so.

"Called it!" He shouted out the door, "Geoff, you owe me ten bucks."

"No way!" Geoff complained, "they can't have... Not already!"

"I don't know, you didn't see them last night," Ray grinned as Geoff handed him the money.

Ryan waited until the crew had died down, before leaning in to whisper in Michael's ear.

"Is this going to be anything more than this?" He asked, and Michael looked at him, confused.

"Are you asking if this will happen again?" Michael asked, and Ryan shook his head.

"I was more asking if _we_ could be a thing." Ryan admitted sheepishly.

"Well..." Michael thought it over for a few seconds "Why not. Sure."

Ray, who they had not noticed was still leaning in the doorway, clapped with all the enthusiasm he could muster, which actually wasn't that much.

"Be good to them." He said, "Michael's like a sibling to me, so don't hurt them. Also, yeah, they pronouns, unless you want a punch to the face."

"I'm sure I'll do good." Ryan said, with the full knowledge that he meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I honestly didnt know if I had the right to use the t slur, because even though I am trans (non binary) I'm afab, and I've seen people who says afab people can't use it, so I didn't.


End file.
